Day One

So today is officially day one of deployment. Although the ship left yesterday afternoon, we determined it was best if we dropped him off in the morning.  The last week has been a mix of emotions and trying to enjoy what little time we had left with each other.  Now that he is gone it is difficult to not break down and cry but I have to stay strong for my kids. I have already determined that I need to not dwell on the fact that he is gone but relish in the knowledge that my kids are here and he will be home.  My husband knows it is hard to keep it together but the last thing he wants is for me to break down all the time and shut everything and everyone out of my life.  What good does it do to mope around and be depressed?  None and it makes it harder on my husband.  So I am not going to be depressed I am going to focus on my kids and school and do what I need to do to get through all of this.

C.J the youngest

Today C.J, my youngest woke me up by saying "get up momma, I go play".  He has begun talking so much in the past few weeks and it is amazing to watch.  So I got out of bed and I felt empty.  There is always a bit of an empty feeling when someone you love is far away.  Me and the baby went downstairs and we always have to watch Mickey Mouse Club House.  It is by far his favorite show. 

Our day has been very uneventful and it is going by so slow.  The next few days will be much of the same.  Just trying to make it through the day without breaking down.  I always have emails to look forward too though. 

Besides playing with the kids I have been doing homework.  I am taking accounting and microeconomics right now and they are not easy.  This week I am working on supply and demand and a lot of terms that are still over my head at this point (I need to finish the required reading) for my microeconomics class.  And in accounting I am working on financial statements and flow charts.  Hopefully I will do well this week in my classes despite everything else that is going on.

And now its 9:30 pm and my kids are in bed. The youngest is already asleep and the oldest is watching T.V. I went in to check on the baby and my heart turns to goo every time I see him sleeping because he is so still and precious and quiet.  The baby runs in circles yelling all day.  Now matter what I do he has an endless amount of energy and it takes its toll on you after a while.  It is really hard when it is just myself at home but I manage to keep it together. 
This time of the day is always the hardest when my husband is gone.  The kids are asleep and I am alone with my thoughts.  The lonely thoughts can really get you down if you let them but I am determined to get through this with my head held high and my emotions in check. 
To all the other women going through anything difficult right now, remember to keep your head up and always find something special to look forward too.  If you are dealing with a deployment or a long separation find small events to look forward to to break up waiting time so that it seems to go by faster.
Good luck to all and stay safe my wonderful husband.  Your wife and kids will be waiting for you on the pier when you return.