Day Six

Today has been pretty good.  I got my living room organized and through away so much crap.  C.J my two year old was having a rough day. He laid on me for the longest time and just cried for his daddy while I rubbed his back and told him daddy would be home as soon as he was done working.  I didn't know what else to say.  It breaks my heart to see the kids upset like that but I have ever done this before so I don't always know how to handle it.  Tomorrow is a busy day because I am helping a new friend move.  I am excited about it though.  Not really a whole lot to say tonight.  Things are going ok not a hundred percent yet but I am happy and I am content with the fact that he will be home.  But it doesn't always make things easier.  Sometimes it seems like homecoming will never happens.  This is one of those times where you just can't imagine that far into the future.  I am sure I will get through it though because each day he is gone brings him one day closer to me.

Day Five

Oh wow, today was a little more difficult for me.  I was just overwhelmed with all the emotions of the deployment.  I got out of the house though which was fun.  I took the kids to the beach and they played in the sand for a long time.  I think we brought home a pound of sand but it was fun. 
I only received one email from my husband and that didn't help my bad mood today at all.  But I understand he has a job to do and can't email me every five minutes.  I just wish we had a set time that he would email at but it is almost impossible to do that.  It gets difficult when you go all day with no email. I am just hoping that this lonely feeling will go away at least a little bit.  I just need to get my head back together and get into a good spot so that I can make it through the next several months without to many bad days.
I miss Chris like crazy and so do my kids.  I can see in their behavior that they are having just as hard of a time with this as I am.  I am just a lot better at hiding it then they are.  I just hope I can find things to get their mind off of it so that they can just be kids and be happy.
Well that is all I need sleep.  I think that might be my main problem, I haven't been sleeping well and lack of sleep doesn't help hard situations at all.  One less night to go.

Day Four

Today has come and gone in a flash. The days seem to be going by faster and I am thankfull for that.  I got a quick phone call from Chris today but that is the last one I will get for a very long time.  Things seem to be getting easier for me but for the kids it isn't.  The baby had a melt down today because he saw his Daddy's work jacket.  I feel so bad for my kids when they get upset because he is gone.  There is nothing I can do to make it any better for them.  I am learning to just give them some love and let them know he will be back.  I also let them know that I am here and am not going any where. This last thing helps the older ones but not the baby.  I don't think there is anything you can tell a two year old that will make them be ok with a parent being deployed.  It is hard on the families but what a lot of people forget is the sailors and soldiers have it hard too.  At times I think my husband has it harder than I do.  I have my kids and my home to comfort me, whereas he does not.  I can pick up and go anywhere just to break up the routine, he cannot.  He is confined to a ship.  Yes it is large but that fact still remains that it is a ship he cannot leave it when it is in the middle of the ocean.  I can eat anything I want and I can watch any tv show I want, I can go to the movies and so many other things.  When I compare the two it shows me that if he can survive this time on a ship then I better be able to survive this time at home in my own bed. 
I envy the fact that he gets to go around the world and see new ports and experience different cultures but damn I like my own bed a little to much to be able to live on a ship for as long as he does.  I would fall out of their ranks every night. lol. 
Well that's my insight for the day.  I am gonna relax since it is nice and quiet at my house and then crawl into my wonderful comfy bed and snuggle all my pillows and pretend I am snuggling my husband.  Day four just got it's a** kicked!

Sailor Daddy

My daddy loves me
I already know
He hugs me and kisses me
Please daddy, don't go.
As he leaves our home
On this cold wintery morn
I know that I'll miss him
My heart will be torn.
See my daddy's a sailor
I'm so glad to say
He sails on a ship
Sometimes so far away.
He travels the ocean
And goes to many places
He visits foreign countries
And sees different faces.
My daddy he misses me
He always writes me a letter
To say he'll be home soon
And that all will be better.
I'm counting the days
Until my daddy comes back
When he walks in the door
I will help him unpack.
Oh daddy please hurry
I'm waiting for you
I know you're still out there
On the ocean so blue.
Just sailing and sailing
And sailing the seas
I hope you are coming
Hurry up daddy, please.
It's been a long time
But the day's finally here
When my daddy comes home
I know that he's near.
I watch as his ship
Returns from the sea
We're proud of my daddy
My mommy and me.
He walks off the ship
As proud as can be
He did his part
So we can be free.
I run to my daddy
For a hug and a kiss
He squeezes me so tightly
A squeeze that I miss.
I'm happy my dad's home
Happy as can be
I know he did his job
For my mommy and me.

I saw this and loved it.  Thought it would be nice to share.

Day Three

It's 9:30pm on day three of my first time having my husband gone on deployment.  Today was long and just dragged on and on.  The upside was that I was about to talk to my husband several times on the phone.  These phone calls can be hard at times but they can also make it easier on both my husband and I.  For the most part today's phone calls made things that much easier for me.  But one just made me sad that I wasn't able to see him.  The kids really enjoyed talking to him today.  It puts a smile on their faces.  But it also makes them sad.  The baby had been doing pretty good until he got to talk to Chris and now he is being a brat.  He doesn't want to sleep and he is really whiny.  I wish things were easier for my kids but I can't nor do I want to change the situation.  This career is too important to my husband. 
I didn't have a productive day in the least.  I just had one of those off days where you don't want to do anything.  I have a ton of homework to get done for my two classes and I am still a little clueless on how to do them.  Hopefully I will figure it out and do well. 
I choose to go back to school for many reasons.  1) so I can have a career instead of a job. 2) So me and my family would be proud of my accomplishment. 3) I wanted something that would keep me busy while my husband was deployed.  At times I feel like I got myself in over my head.  My classes are difficult and there are times I just want to give up.  But I am already half way to my Associates degree so in the least I need to get that.  I keep reminding myself why I am doing this and that usually gets me through. 
The next month is going to be difficult because today is the last time I will hear from my husband for a long time.  From now on it will only be emails.  It is not the easiest thing to communicate through email.  It is not always feasible to put everything you want or need to in an email.  But I am thankful for any kind of communication I get because I know there will be times where he won't be able to email for days on end.  These times are the hardest of all.  Not knowing whats going on wondering if he is ok.  During one underway there was an explosion on the flight deck of his ship, I knew 8-10 people had been hurt.  A few had been flown off the ship others were treated on the ship.  Well he works on the flight deck.  I was so scared that he was hurt until about 8 hours later when I finally got an email saying he was ok.  HE told me he wasn't hurt and wasn't on the flight deck.  Well a few weeks later when he got home he was having pain in his shoulder and he finally told me he had been on deck and had been hit by flying pieces of metal when the explosion happened.  He was wearing a helmet but got struck in the helmet hard enough to knock him out cold and also had a puncture wound in his shoulder from metal.  This scared the crap out of me.  He was ok in the end but I had no clue he was hurt at all.  I understand why he didn't tell me he was up there and that he got hurt but it still sucks not knowing what is going on.  I am thankful that he is ok and didn't suffer any lasting damage but it is still a dangerous job. 
Ok I have rambled enough. But it feels good to get things in my head out.

Donavyn and Meadow

Day Two

Oh what a day...lol.  It actually wasn't too bad.  My kids let me sleep in (which never happens when Chris is gone) and I just got to relax all morning.  It was nice to just sit and cuddle with my kids.  I got an email from Chris right after I woke up.  He is the sweetest at times lol. He has been sending tons of emails and has been writing some really sweet loving things in them.  It melts my heart to read the things he is saying.  I feel today was a lot easier then yesterday and I am hoping it only gets easier from here.  I hate when my husband is gone but I know it is for a good reason.  He loves his career and I completely support him in that.  If it wasn't for men like my husband I could only imagine what this country would be like.  He makes the ultimate sacrifice and so do us wives back at home.  If it wasn't for our support and understanding our husbands would not be able to make it through the hardships of deployment. 
Even though this is not his first deployment, this one is the hardest.  This is his first deployment since having kids and he is so worried that the kids will be completely different when he gets back.  The kids will have grow and learned a lot of new things but they will still be his and they will embrace him when he comes home. 
My friends are helping me get through this time and I am slowly starting to make more friends.  Getting into a routine is going to be a huge help to me.  Once the kids get used to Daddy being gone again things will slowly fall into place. 
At this point all I know is I miss my husband very much but I am keeping my head high and putting on my brave face.  The kids and I will be just fine and are stronger then we know. 
Now its time to email my husband and go to bed.

A Random Picture of Me

I will never be lonely when your in my thoughts

Day One

So today is officially day one of deployment. Although the ship left yesterday afternoon, we determined it was best if we dropped him off in the morning.  The last week has been a mix of emotions and trying to enjoy what little time we had left with each other.  Now that he is gone it is difficult to not break down and cry but I have to stay strong for my kids. I have already determined that I need to not dwell on the fact that he is gone but relish in the knowledge that my kids are here and he will be home.  My husband knows it is hard to keep it together but the last thing he wants is for me to break down all the time and shut everything and everyone out of my life.  What good does it do to mope around and be depressed?  None and it makes it harder on my husband.  So I am not going to be depressed I am going to focus on my kids and school and do what I need to do to get through all of this.

C.J the youngest

Today C.J, my youngest woke me up by saying "get up momma, I go play".  He has begun talking so much in the past few weeks and it is amazing to watch.  So I got out of bed and I felt empty.  There is always a bit of an empty feeling when someone you love is far away.  Me and the baby went downstairs and we always have to watch Mickey Mouse Club House.  It is by far his favorite show. 

Our day has been very uneventful and it is going by so slow.  The next few days will be much of the same.  Just trying to make it through the day without breaking down.  I always have emails to look forward too though. 

Besides playing with the kids I have been doing homework.  I am taking accounting and microeconomics right now and they are not easy.  This week I am working on supply and demand and a lot of terms that are still over my head at this point (I need to finish the required reading) for my microeconomics class.  And in accounting I am working on financial statements and flow charts.  Hopefully I will do well this week in my classes despite everything else that is going on.

And now its 9:30 pm and my kids are in bed. The youngest is already asleep and the oldest is watching T.V. I went in to check on the baby and my heart turns to goo every time I see him sleeping because he is so still and precious and quiet.  The baby runs in circles yelling all day.  Now matter what I do he has an endless amount of energy and it takes its toll on you after a while.  It is really hard when it is just myself at home but I manage to keep it together. 
This time of the day is always the hardest when my husband is gone.  The kids are asleep and I am alone with my thoughts.  The lonely thoughts can really get you down if you let them but I am determined to get through this with my head held high and my emotions in check. 
To all the other women going through anything difficult right now, remember to keep your head up and always find something special to look forward too.  If you are dealing with a deployment or a long separation find small events to look forward to to break up waiting time so that it seems to go by faster.
Good luck to all and stay safe my wonderful husband.  Your wife and kids will be waiting for you on the pier when you return.

My Family

So this is my first time blogging or doing anything of the sort.  This all came about because my husband Chris, who is in the US Navy just deployed for the first time since we have been together.  I wanted to start a journal for him of the daily things that me ad our children do.  Just so that he knows how the kids are doing and growing, what they are learning and everything else he misses out on.  I have seen many other blogs and thought this would be a good idea and an easier way to kept track of what is going on in our lives.
I am Jennifer but I go by Jenn.  I have bee married to Chris for almost 4 years.  We have three children Donavyn (9), Meadow (5), and C.J. (2).  We live in Washington state and are loving it up here.  I am a stay at home mom and I am also going to college online to get my BS in Criminal Justice.  Chris has been in the Navy for almost 10 years and is an electrician.  He loves his job and takes pride in everything he has done within his career.  He is what most people would consider a lifer (someone who plans on retiring with Navy).  The ship he is on now is the second ship he has been stationed on.  He loves being on a ship and seeing different countries.  It is very excited for him. 
When we first got married he was stationed in Oakland, California and I was living in Medford, Oregon.  It was a 6 hour drive just to see each other. But he would make the trip at least twice a month.  A few months after we were married I was finally able to move to California with him.  And we lived there for three years.  In that time we had our youngest son C.J. 
In June of 2010 we got transferred to Bremerton, Washington.  Oh my what a change.  But it was a great change. I love it up here and my kids love it too.  Since we have come to Washington Chris has had to leave several times for anywhere from two weeks to two months.  Yesterday my husband departed on a seven month deployment.  This is not his first long deployment but it will be the first one I have dealt with since we have been married.  I have so many mixed emotions on it and I am hoping that this blog might not only help me deal with these emotions but that it might help other women going through the same thing. 

My Sailor

That is it for now but during the next several months I will talk more about my family and the things going on during deployment.
Loving and missing my Sailor